I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
