WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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