I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
