shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
