TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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