why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He better not be in your backpack
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
