I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
