I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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