i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
