My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Dick very happy bro
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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