My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
