can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
