so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
