road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
