im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
