NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
barbara walters just said penis...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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