Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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