I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
