shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
