I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
