He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
