she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
