rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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