I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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