you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
