1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
