Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i drank out of a bidet.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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