just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
