Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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