Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
