Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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