I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
