Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
