go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
