I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
