I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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