he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
where are you?
Hypothermia
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
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