I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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