I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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