My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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