Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
