You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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