so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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