I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
