Pappa wants mamma naked
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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