hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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