Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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