im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
