I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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