What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
