Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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